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padding-top:15px; font:78%/1.6em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } </style> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(http://www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/697174003-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener("load", function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <iframe src="http://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID=14800626&blogName=ryanconnercomedy&publishMode=PUBLISH_MODE_FTP&navbarType=SILVER&layoutType=CLASSIC&searchRoot=http%3A%2F%2Fblogsearch.google.com%2F&blogLocale=en_US&homepageUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ryanconnercomedy.com%2F" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" height="30px" width="100%" id="navbar-iframe" allowtransparency="true" title="Blogger Navigation and Search"></iframe> <div></div> <div id="header"> <h1 id="blog-title"> ryanconnercomedy </h1> <p id="description">The blog of comedian Ryan Conner.</p> </div> <!-- Begin #content --> <div id="content"> <!-- Begin #main --> <div id="main"><div id="main2"> <div class='adsense' style='text-align:center; padding: 0px 3px 0.5em 3px;'> <script type="text/javascript"><!-- google_ad_client="pub-5943821654421592"; google_ad_host="pub-1556223355139109"; google_ad_host_channel="00000"; google_ad_width=180; google_ad_height=150; google_ad_format="180x150_as"; google_ad_type="text"; google_color_border="000000"; google_color_bg="000000"; google_color_link="AADD99"; google_color_url="AADD99"; google_color_text="777777"; //--></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"> </script> </div> <h2 class="date-header">Monday, February 26, 2007</h2> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="4854106154716395509"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> This one contains formatting errors. It won't let me fix them. </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div>-You know those Rosetta Stone “Learn a Language Quickly” things they have at mall and airport kiosks? Yes you do. They're in yellow boxes. You know how you've never seen anyone stopped at one of those kiosks, which has allowed you to notice the yellowness of these boxes each time you've passed? Yes, you've noticed that as well. At the Detroit airport, I saw about 10 guys huddled around one. I could hear them saying things like, “Is it really that easy?” And, “So, you mean I could learn Portuguese in four days?” It was strange. Then the guys parted a bit, and I could see who they were talking to. The employee working the kiosk looked like a supermodel. I wonder if this happens all day when she's there? She must think Rosetta Stone language software is taking the world by storm. But, I bet her boss knows what's up, and doesn't care if that's what's up. It's all about gross sales in the world of Rosetta Stone. <ul><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">If you're a man who showers at a gym, after working out, know this: It's physically possible to put your boxers on before you apply lotion to every square-inch of your body. Yeah, I'm talking to you at locker 6. Additionally, if you choose a locker that's just inside the entrance, don't be this guy. You're making it impossible for people to not see your nastiness. No one wants to walk into a room and have that be the first thing they see.</p> </li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">How about a lesson in how to be an acceptable human? Cool, glad you're up for it.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">If you go to a restaurant with a large group, and half of them are strangers, let the strangers do their own thing. Don't push your eating or drinking agenda on them. Here's what happened. One of my good friends is going to Iraq in a few days, so about 15 people went out to dinner with him. Six of the people, including myself are from VA, and have known him for years. The other nine are his newer friends from his Army base in New Jersey. Dinner was at a Korean restaurant. Korean food is not something you can get 15 people to agree on. This is mainly because it's nasty. Three of my friends, from VA, traveled separately and went to the pizza place next door. Had I not already been sitting at the Korean place with a menu in front of me when I found this out, I would have joined them.<br />I looked through a five page menu, with the first four pages featuring foods such as, "Green Bean Pancake," and "Steamed Codfish Guts." On the last page, I found something that sounded like it would be a steak and rice. That was fine. But when I tried to order, a guy I didn't know said, "I already ordered for everyone. You don't need to get anything else." </p></li><li><br /></li></ul> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">"What did you get," I asked.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I was told that if I liked meat and seafood, I'd be happy. Notice that it's "meat," not beef, chicken, or pork. Just "meat."</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">So, eight hours after my last meal, the food starts to arrive. Five things arrived at once. I couldn't tell what four of them could possibly be. Not even a guess. The other appeared to be some type of meat, either chicken or pork. They should never get confused. So, how did I get them confused? Because it was a joint. They were serving the joint of something. Really? A joint? What are you doing with the rest of it? Can't we have the breast, if it's chicken? Do they not know about the chicken breast, leg, thigh, wing, or even liver? A joint. A fucking joint. "Oh, this cartilage sure is tender." Someone told me something else on the table was Kim-Chi. It looked like vomit. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">This restaurant required that you use chopsticks. I hate that. I like places that put the chopsticks on the table with the fork, so I can take my pick. We had no choice. I don't do well with chopsticks because they aren't my native eating utensil. I learned to use them when I was little. But about two minutes into using them, I thought, "Fork and spoon." I haven't gone back to chopsticks since. Why would I? They're less efficient, and the technique isn't akin to any other skill. It's not like any other skill transfers. So, you have to practice in order to eat inefficiently with them. I don't like that. If I'm hungry, I want the food to be in my mouth as fast as possible. End of story. Let's use logic. It's fine to use chopsticks if that's your custom. People who use them every day are obviously great at it. Don't make someone use chopsticks, if they ski as often as they uses chopsticks. People don't ski often is what I'm trying to say. So much frustration is coming out right now.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">Eventually, they cooked some beef on a grill that was in the middle of the table. But the beef was tough. Once again, where is the rest of the beef going? Most beef is tender. Why am I having the worst beef I've had in my life? The pieces were so tough, I couldn't chew through them. So, I had three pieces, each the size of a chicken nugget, and basically chewed until they were soft enough to swallow. Not in small pieces, as how someone would normally chew... soft enough.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">The aforementioned seafood came in the form of a "Seafood Pancake," which is full of onions. I'm allergic to onions.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I should mention that everyone but me did about 5-7 shots of sake. I did zero.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I should also mention that during the entire meal, I was texting my friend at the pizza place, arranging to have a couple slices when I got out.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">Small bowls of rice made it to the table after a while. Very small bowls. I ate it. The rice was good. But there was nothing to go with it. Not any type of sauce or anything. Just a bowl of sticky rice. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">People started saying things like, "Boy, am I stuffed?" at this point. So, I said that I was going to take a smoke break. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. What I really did was go to the pizza place to have a slice.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">Then the meal got exponentially better when a loud girl, who'd been yelling things you don't yell in a public place all night, yelled, "Well, I'm the only one who masturbated in Puerto Rico. I don't even care." I found this moment to be a 10 out of 10 as far as awkwardness in concerned. The families sitting around us probably agreed.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I had been wondering how they were going to split the check as soon as I realized that I couldn't eat any of the food, due to it either being nasty or containing onions.. Anyone who drinks all night, then turns to people who've had nothing, and says, "Let's just split it down the middle," is a douche bag. A huge douche bag. Guess what happened? They turned to my end of the table and said, "$40 each. Hey, that's not bad for all this, and the sake." I paid $40 for about 4oz of rice and three pieces of cheap beef. Forty dollars. I paid it and went to the pizza place, starving. My friends, who ate at the pizza place spent $14 total and had a great meal.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">Don't do anything that I just mentioned and you will not be a douche bag. </p><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/this-one-contains-formatting-errors-it.html" title="permanent link">5:56 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=4854106154716395509"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=4854106154716395509;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=4854106154716395509" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=4854106154716395509" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <h2 class="date-header">Wednesday, February 21, 2007</h2> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="7274108302891279437"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> NEWS FROM GAMBIA </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div>Read this. The story isn't as odd as the comment at the bottom by David, from Houston, is disturbing.<br />http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=437628&in_page_id=1811<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/news-from-gambia.html" title="permanent link">1:19 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7274108302891279437"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7274108302891279437;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7274108302891279437" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7274108302891279437" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="8129223962378405474"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> “The Are Night Zombies! They Are Neighbors! They Have Come Back From The Dead!” </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-I'm going to Las Vegas with friends March 15-18. A friend of mine was originally planning it and had to pull out, and the trip fell apart. But last night I had a dream that I was in Las Vegas. When I woke up, I had one of the most disappointed feelings I can recall having. I've had cool dreams in the past. Look back at my Cougar Movie dream blog if you don't believe me. I've also dreamt that I inherited the Playboy Mansion. I've played for the Bulls. Last week, I was in a band with Jimi Hendrix. Waking up from those paled in comparison to the Vegas dream. If you want to go to Vegas, then you can too. It's a city, and they're into that kind of thing. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-At a Mitt Romney event, a heckler yelled, “You don't know the Lord.” Where I come from, Romney just got served. A perfect 10 on the sting scale. What can he reply? “I do too!.” Won't work. Served.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-I just got a new gym membership. When taking the tour, the woman who was showing the place, said, ”Go inside and check out the locker room. The steam room and sauna are in the back. Just walk around. Take your time.” What? I wanted to just say, “No, that's okay.” But I felt like I should let her do her job. So, I walked in, really with no purpose. When you're going in to drop stuff off, you have tunnel vision. You go straight to your locker, and see nothing but that locker. When your mission is to “look around and check out the sauna and steam room,” there's no room for a positive experience. So, as soon as I saw six naked guys without trying to, I turned around and left. This took approximately four seconds. The saleswoman said, “That didn't take long. Did you see the sauna and steam room?” I said, “I'm sure it's fine.” What was I supposed to do? Walk back there, “So guys, I guess this is the steam room, huh... Nice...A nude steam room, I see...Yeah, I'm wearing two coats... No, just looking around...It's humid in here...Alright, you guys take care. I'll be in the sauna chatting it up... Hey guys... Boy, does it feel like a sauna in here or what?”</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-I went into a used book store by my apartment in Hoboken. It was crap. I heard the owner and another guy talking. Here is an excerpt from their conversation. ”You know the last TV series I found funny?” I was thinking he'd say Seinfeld, maybe News Radio, or Cheers What he actually said was, “Barney Miller. That's the last time I laughed at anything on TV.” This guy's life must be miserable. He's gone decades without laughing. I don't know where I'm going with this. Make something up.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-Is it just me, or is Tyler Perry, the guy from the Madea movies, doing pretty well now? He has two new movies and a new series. I hadn't heard of him until a few months ago when I was on a Chinatown bus that showed, “Madea's Family Bad Stereotype Movie.” I watched about half of it and thought, “That's the last we'll see of that guy.”</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-The EWTN Network has a show that I caught a few days ago, called “Catholic Classics.” I was on the edge of my seat, hoping they'd show the time when Father Steve, from the Arlington, VA Diocese, blessed the communion with one hand. IT WAS CLASSIC FATHER STEVE. What I'm saying is, “What is a Catholic Classic?” I didn't actually watch. I just saw it in the guide and figured if I didn't watch it, I'd have a paragraph for the ol' blog.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-I thought the Bush administration had found out about empathy when they stated their Path to Citizenship plan for illegal immigrants. I was excited, because I think it's the right thing to do. Then I read an interview with Bush's Senior Political Advisor, Karl Rove. His reasoning was, “Well, I don't want my 17-year-old son to have to pick oranges and make beds in Las Vegas.” In other words, “Someone has to do the the undesirable jobs.” I thought their intention was to put people on a level playing field with other American citizens, so they can get financial aide for college, so they can rise through the socioeconomic ladder and become doctors, lawyers, teachers, et cetera. Mis-read that one.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-When I went through security in the Houghton, MI, airport, which I'd like to add is an “international airport,” although it's only about 3000 square feet, security inspected my laptop for at least a minute, like something was up. I can't imagine what they thought they were seeing... “Hold on, is that a 2.23 GHZ DuoCore, 2 gigs of RAM, and a video card so powerful it drains an 8 eight hour battery in 3 hours... all in a 12 inch notebook? Something is fishy. This guy must be from the future. Call the authorities.” What I'm saying is, I have a monstrous computer. And I'm bragging about it. Yes, that makes me a nerd. Whatever.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I hosted the shows in Houghton. It was a collection of college groups doing sketches, and I'd do about five minutes between each group. Hosting is not my forte though. I'd say I am to hosting as Shaq is to free throws. There were two shows, and at the beginning of each one, I said, “Just so you know, I'll be coming out between each sketch and telling jokes. Sometimes I'll talk about the sketch first. If I don't feel like it, I'll just do some of my jokes. Now that's out of the way...” Technically, that's not supposed to happen. I don't like to pussyfoot though. One time, I wanted to sarcastically say, “Make some noise for this next group...” and it came out, “Make some energy... make energy... what the hell does that mean...[insert group name].” They really liked my jokes, so it didn't matter that I'm a “non-traditional host”. That's what I'm calling my hosting style from now on. Shitty=Non-traditional.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I went to a party with some students after the show. It was a cool town, and all the students were cool. One thing stood out at the party though. This is something that kills me every time I see it too. Whenever loud music is playing, and a popular song comes on, all of a sudden, conversations stop, and people's eyes lock while they sing the song. I think this is one of my favorite things on earth to witness. Fo' sheezy. Rory Scovel did this to some strange girl when “Like A Prayer” was playing at some bar, and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Anyway, the song they sang at this party was “Will You Be There” by Michael Jackson. You may know it as the theme song from Free Willy. You may not know it at all, because it wasn't very popular outside Houghton. I may be the only person who knows the name of the song. It was weird. Literally every person except for me and a guy I was talking to, stopped everything to sing this song. I don't think you're appreciating this enough. Close your eyes for a few minutes and picture this... there you go.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I salute anyone who still listens to Michael Jackson, despite all of his alleged child-touchings. He's a strange person, but anyone who says they don't like “Smooth Criminal” isn't a human.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-I've recommended a lot of music in the past, and people probably have skipped those paragraphs. Don't do so this time. Go to iTunes and download “The Are Night Zombies! They Are Neighbors! They Have Come Back From The Dead!” by Sufjan Stevens, on his album, Illinois. It is incredible.</p><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/are-night-zombies-they-are-neighbors.html" title="permanent link">1:34 AM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=8129223962378405474"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=8129223962378405474;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=8129223962378405474" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=8129223962378405474" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <h2 class="date-header">Saturday, February 17, 2007</h2> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="7882366486569859743"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> Power Rankings and Dick Bavetta </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-Before we get into the blog, I have to mention something about NBA All-Star Weekend. I love just about every event of the weekend, and haven't missed one since 1990, when I was nine-years-old. I think the most compelling event, since Vince Carter was in the dunk contest, is this year's race between Charles Barkley and 67-year-old ref Dick Bavetta. What makes it better is that for three days I thought they were boxing instead of racing. So, I thought Barkley was going to literally kill someone on TNT. I was confused as to why society would let it happen. Because of the NBA-TNT-Roadhouse connection, I was also excited for the headline, "Barkley Used to Fuck Guys Like Dick Bavetta in Prison." Now that I know they're racing, it makes more sense.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-Notes from All-Star Saturday Night:</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">Shaq just described Dominique Wilkins as having “a lot of sexy force.”</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">Bill Laimbeer got booed by everyone at the Shooting Stars Competition. Do you know how much you have to hate someone to boo them at a fun, trivial event, 13 years after they retired? A lot. The atmosphere was carnival-like. Skeletor wouldn't even get that reaction if he walked into Castle Gray Skull today.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-This is a Top 10 NBA game dunk of all time. It gets overlooked in most of the countdowns. It was in one of the most heated, physical playoff series of all-time. You can't see it in this video, but as Ewing was on his back, Pippen stood over him, pointed at him and yelled, “Get up!” Watch it. http://youtube.com/watch?v=SLkzLgZ5wdY</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">-Time for another Power Rankings. I'm writing this because I watched the NBA All-Star Weekend Celebrity Game last night. It was horrific. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">10 Most Pointless Things Involving Celebrities and Athletes on TV Power Rankings.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">10. Rock 'n' Jock Softball Game – The Rock 'n' Jock basketball game was great. They made up for the poor play with things like the 25-point basket. The softball game had nothing like that. Also, it's softball. It's not even that fun to play. No one wants to watch it.<br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">9. Old VH-1 Show – I don't remember the name of it, but there was a show where celebrities sat on couches and talked about their favorite songs. There was no contest aspect at all. One person would say, “I really love 'Hungry Like the Wolf.'” And everyone else would say, “Me too.” That happened on TV for thirty minutes at a time<br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">8. Celebrity Poker on TV – What's worse than watching celebrities play sports? Watching celebrities play cards. As I'm writing this, I can't believe this is a show. Are we that obsessed with celebrities? I'm going to E! tomorrow to pitch Celebrity Barbecue and Celebrity CD Alphabetizing.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">7. Certain Olympic Events – Sports should be required to have a minimum amount of participants worldwide in order to be in the Olympics. Some events have such a small pool of talent to pull from that it's the equivalent of making a high school basketball team. The average U.S. high school has about 1,400 students (I'm making all the numbers up.) About 300 of those play basketball. Twelve will make the team. There's no way there are more than 300 lugers, boblsedders, winter biathletes or curlers in the entire country. Get rid of these events.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">6. MTV Movie Awards/ Best of the MTV Movie Awards – I know MTV doesn't take this show seriously, but its audience does, which is annoying. In 1999, the best picture award went to There's Something About Mary. It beat Saving Private Ryan and Truman Show. Last year's nominees were 40-Year Old Virgin, Batman Begins, King Kong, Sin City and Wedding Crashers. The thing that annoys me the most is that most of the nominees are films by MTV films and Paramount (same company). At the same time, you can tell the MTV people are funny and get it, because they'll air shows like “Best Moments from The Best of The MTV Movie Awards Pre-Show.” I think the people at MTV are just pushing it to see what people will watch. To that, I tip my invisible hat. I also enjoy My Super Sweet 16. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">5. Monday Night Football's New “Interview a Celebrity” Segment – Monday Night Football used to be something I could never miss. I still never miss it, but I mute the TV during the third quarter. That's because this season, they started bringing in a celebrity for “guest analysis” during the third. During Week 1, they had Jamie Foxx. I thought it was somewhat acceptable, because he was in Any Given Sunday. But no one else, over the next 16 weeks, had anything to do with football. Pointless and annoying.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">4. Madden Challenge on ESPN – This is worse than celebrity poker. It's a show in which we watch regular guys play a video game that we all own, and could be playing instead of watching them play. Sometimes they'll have an NFL player or an actor on the show. I don't know how this is only number four. I'm probably understating how bad this is.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">3. NBA All-Star Game Fan Balloting – I love the NBA All-Star Game, but fan balloting cheapens the game. Twenty-four people make the All-Star Game. Ten of those are selected by the fans. Usually, two to four of those guys don't deserve to be in the game, which forces out guys who deserve to be All-Stars. This causes the annual all-star snub debates. Elton Brand didn't make it. Carmelo Anthony didn't make it until he filled in for someone's injury. I could go on for days about this. Also, Ben Gordon didn't make it, and Chauncey Billups did. I will never forgive anyone who was a part of making this happen.<br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">2. NBA All-Star Celebrity Game – My nephew's and my brother's middle school teams could have beat either team. And my nephew's AAU team would have crushed them. My nephew is 12. The problem wasn't that shitty guys were playing basketball. That happens all the time, just not on TV. I know I could turn it off, but I kept thinking someone was going to be decent. It's like Comedy Central airing an amateur open-mic. You're watching, thinking, “I can't turn it off. There has to be a reason for this. They wouldn't bring out the cameras if they're all going to suck.” But there was no reason. Only Tony Potts had any type of skill. And I'm not sure how he's a celebrity. Who is Tony Potts? Google doesn't even know.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">I don't really care about being famous, but I'd like to be famous enough to play in this game, so I could score 50 points on national TV.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in;">1. Grammy Awards – This show is more irrelevant than The Proud Family. Why? Nelly has won more Grammys than The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Jimi Henrix and The Grateful Dead combined.</p><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/power-rankings-and-dick-bavetta.html" title="permanent link">11:14 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7882366486569859743"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7882366486569859743;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7882366486569859743" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7882366486569859743" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <h2 class="date-header">Friday, February 16, 2007</h2> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="7925774368909734145"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div>Here's a video that Justin Schlegel sent me. It's been known for years that Carlos Mencia is an arrogant joke thief, but I've never seen anyone confront him. In this video, taped last week at The Comedy Store, Joe Rogan confronts him and cites examples. It's great. Maybe this will get his show off air... I doubt it.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsq1uTLBHBc">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsq1uTLBHBc</a><br /><br />I'll post a real blog tonight, hopefully. Sorry, but I've been really busy.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/joe-rogan-and-carlos-mencia.html" title="permanent link">4:11 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7925774368909734145"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7925774368909734145;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7925774368909734145" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=7925774368909734145" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <h2 class="date-header">Wednesday, February 07, 2007</h2> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="1330488617086989154"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> ??? </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div>I'm in a pretty remote place, and the hotel's restaurant closed at 9. I called at 9:02. They wouldn't make anything for me. I just asked the front desk if there are any restaurants that deliver. She said, "Deliver what?" Food. "Oh,food...um... There's this one. I know they deliver." She handed me the menu. I got back to the room, looked at the menu, and saw that they closed at 9.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/blog-post.html" title="permanent link">9:42 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1330488617086989154"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1330488617086989154;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1330488617086989154" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1330488617086989154" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="2334092595160656569"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> Twigs of Yonder </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I watch NBA games just about every night on NBA League Pass. It's cool to be able to see every game. But local announcers are horrible. They act like everyone on the home team is perfect and the other team is full of witches. I was watching the Bulls play the Blazers and the Blazers announcer yelled at one point, “Now that's what Joel Pryzbilla gives you!” He went on to talk about him like he's a Hall of Famer. He's averaging 2.0 points and 4.0 rebounds per game. Let's put things in perspective, local announcers.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I'm in Houghton, Michigan right now. Not familiar with Houghton? It's about 16 miles south of Greenland. The Greenland Pizza Hut actually delivers to Houghton. They get an average of 250 inches of snow annually. No exaggeration. At the airport, someone said, “We're having a warm one.” I just looked up the temperature. It's 11 degrees, and “feels like” negative five. Toasty indeed.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">I flew from DC to Minneapolis, and from Minneapolis to Houghton. I swear the second leg of the flight was on an old Russian WWII plane. It looked like this, except gray.</span></p><img src= "http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/plane.jpg" /><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">The wing had a sticker on it that said, “GE Jet Power,” but it looked more like a sticker you'd see on a dishwasher than a plane. Plane's usually don't have many stickers on them.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-One of my friends is getting his MFA in Creative Writing, with a concentration in non-fiction. He's currently being forced to take a poetry class. Neither of us understand poetry. Every now and then I may stumble across something and think, “Well, it doesn't suck.” For the most part, I have no reaction to it. Poetry is just a collection of words that does nothing. I realize that it speaks to some, but I don't get it. My friend read a couple of his classmates' poems to me. They were ridiculous. He wouldn't let me print them here. So, here's my imitation of one of their poems.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Twigs of Yonder</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">oh, twig twig, thy twig</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">how fly you<br /></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">red brown grain knot, oh twig</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">crawl the sky, velvet</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">grey, full, over there</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">resources, no, hapless</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">don't</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">stop</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">earth, mother, what doth say</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">leave thy twig yonder</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">alf is on dvd</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">I can't say with confidence that theirs were better.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I don't understand why global warming, and scientific advancement in general is a political issue, but it is. Check out this survey of congress from National Journal:</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><a href="http://syndication.nationaljournal.com/images/203Insiderspoll_NJlogo.pdf">http://syndication.nationaljournal.com/images/203Insiderspoll_NJlogo.pdf</a></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Someone's actual justification for not believing that global warming is caused by man, is “The only Inconvenient Truth here is that anyone can be a movie star, even someone as boring as Al Gore.” That's his argument. Also, Senator Inhoff, from Oklahoma, “disproved” global warming by reading a letter on the Senate floor which said, “Thank you for your remarks regarding global warming, Senator. You are now my favorite Oklahoman, ahead of Toby Keith.” THAT'S HOW HE DISPROVED 40 YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDIES! He thinks that if someone likes him more than Toby Keith, then global warming can't be happening. Half of Toby Keith's songs are racist, and all are jingoistic. Everyone should like a U.S. Senator over a racist singer.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Here's a story about certain climatologists being paid off to raise doubts about global warming. <a href="http://www.delmarvanow.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070206/NEWS01/70206001/1002">http://www.delmarvanow.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070206/NEWS01/70206001/1002</a></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I was driving late at night in Hoboken, when a woman walked in front of my car to cross the street. There wasn't an intersection or crosswalk to make her think this was okay. She didn't look back to say she was sorry. She just kept moseying. I was pissed. Then she got to the corner on the other side of the street, and I threw a glass bottle that hit her in the head. Just kidding. People put their trash out on the curb in Hoboken. There was a strong wind. And as soon as she stepped on the curb, a huge bag of trash that looked like it had been thrown, flew into her. She started screaming and ran down the street. Instant karma. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Two days later, I was waiting for two minutes to turn into a parking spot, with my turn signal on. Just as traffic moved up enough for me to pull in, the guy behind me went around me and stole the spot. When he got out of his car, I said, “Did you not see me waiting and starting to turn in?”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">He said, “I thought you were turning into another spot.”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Then he ran off, forgetting to close his car door. So, I peed on everything in his car. Either that, or I closed his door for him. I don't remember which one.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I was just informed that there is a hip-hop/r+b version of She's Like the Wind. Look it up. I just listened to the preview on iTunes. This might be the worst cover idea ever. People have covered awful music in the past, but this is a Patrick Swayze song. As you're listening to it, picture people in a studio for a couple days working on it, loving it, thinking that Patrick Swayze is a musical genius. That will make it even better.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">While we're on the subject of music... I wrote last week that I hadn't listened to music on the radio in year. Four days later, I had to drive a moving truck that didn't have a CD player. The radio was so bad that I actually stopped on a Rod Stewart song once. It was either Chingy or “Downtown Train.”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I caught a glance of a page of a woman's book on a flight. It was by Nora Roberts, who I think writes romance. The only sentence I saw was, “Still a hellcat, I see.” I know nothing about the book, but I want to know what made this person a hellcat once, and why they're still a hellcat, and how she can tell that he's still a hellcat. I want to know what a hellcat is. I also want to know someone that I can call a “hellcat.” I don't care what you say, that's good writing. She got me hooked after only five words and two punctuation marks.</span></p><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/twigs-of-yonder.html" title="permanent link">6:36 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=2334092595160656569"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=2334092595160656569;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=2334092595160656569" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=2334092595160656569" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <h2 class="date-header">Tuesday, February 06, 2007</h2> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="3876191953295793474"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> Poonanza and An Inconvenient Truth </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div>-I'll write an actual funny blog tonight, or tomorrow at the latest. It will probably be a Power Rankings. Sorry for the slow posting lately. I just moved this past weekend, and getting ready for the move consumed all of my time for a month.<br />And now...<br />Advertisements.<br />If you're in DC on Saturday, do the world a favor and go see the 2nd Annual St. Valentine's Day Poonanza and Wet T-Shirt Contest. Details are as follows:<br /><div><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><br />Saturday February 10th</span></div> <div><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" >The Warehouse Theater</span></div> <div><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" >1017-1021 7th St. NW</span></div> <div><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" >Showtime - 11pm</span></div> <div><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" >Tickets - $5<br />email me at ryanconner at gmail dot com for reservations. All previous Poonanzas have sold out in advance.<br /><br />So far, every Poonanza has been better than the previous one. This should be the case again. Also, for those of you who came to the last show, there will be exactly zero homosexual activity during the show.<br /><br />Also, we're welcoming special guests, The Bureau. They're a hilarious sketch group from University of Maryland who was just voted Best Performance Group of every ensemble on campus, music and theatre included. They'll be doing a few sketches of their own. We're excited to have them.<br /><br />-Watch An Inconvenient Truth. Seriously, do it. Don't not watch it because you don't like Al Gore, or because you don't believe in science. Just watch it.<br /><br /><br /></span></div><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/poonanza-and-inconvenient-truth.html" title="permanent link">1:31 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=3876191953295793474"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=3876191953295793474;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=3876191953295793474" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=3876191953295793474" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <h2 class="date-header">Thursday, February 01, 2007</h2> <!-- Begin .post --> <div class="post"><a name="1125234599359261142"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> Red Hats </h3> <div class="post-body"> <div> <div style="clear:both;"></div><p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-Kudos, no, two kudos to the Syracuse Airport for offering free WiFi. Some airports charge up to $9. I don't like those airports.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-If I was in Congress, the first bill I would propose would be to require all hotels to carry premium toilet paper. That's probably the main reason no one would ever vote for me. But I'm sick of hotels having cheap(I could have gone for the pun there, but I'm above it) toilet paper. It can't cost more than an extra 10 cents per roll to upgrade to something nice. Hey Hotels...Don't do the black thing. Don't do the white thing. Do the right thing. Hasn't Spike Lee taught us anything. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I did a show in Canton, New York, last night. It was negative 6 degrees and negative 22 degrees with the wind chill. People should not co-exist with those temperatures. It's a really nice place, aside from the weather, but I can't understand why anyone would have settled there before central heating was invented. I also think it's time to do away with telling us what the wind chill and heat index are. They always say, “It's 32, but feels like 13,” or “It's 80, but feels like 92.” If it “feels” 13 or 92, let's just call it 13 or 92. What other senses are we using to measure heat? Does it taste like 32 or sound like 80? I don't get it. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I took a rental car from Syracuse to Canton. I reserved the smallest, cheapest 2-door car, which was a Chevy Aveo. Instead, they gave me a PT Cruiser for the same price. They thought they were doing me a favor. Oh, how they were wrong. When I got in the car this morning to make the two and a half hour drive back to Syracuse, the heater was broken. The in-car thermometer read negative 4 degrees. Negative four. -4. - four. I think I almost died. I had to wear socks as gloves. And my liter of water froze solid by the time got to Syracuse, which I thought was impossible. What made it more annoying was that I called the roadside assistance people from the rental place, and the woman said, “Are you sure you're operating it correctly?” </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">I said, “Yes.”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;">“<span style="font-size:100%;">Well, take a look at the owner's manual just to be sure.”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;">“<span style="font-size:100%;">It's a heater. You just turn it on. I've been in cars before. There aren't many options. On. You turn it on and heat comes out.”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;">“<span style="font-size:100%;">I just have to make sure you're doing it right.”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">What are the odds of someone having the mental capacity to get into a car for the first time and drive it, operating the wipers, lights and mirrors, all while not being able to figure out how to turn the heat on? One in a gabillion-zillion-million.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">- I forgot to bring CDs with me, so the radio it was. I hadn't listened to music on the radio since October of 2001. I don't know why I remember the date, but I do. After scanning the stations for a minute, I found The Beatles' “All You Need Is Love.” The Beatles are one of my favorite bands, so I stopped to listen. Just as the song ended, a creepy, child-molester-sounding DJ came on and said, ”What do you think? Maybe a twin spin? Alright. You got it.” Then he played another Beatles' song. Think about how much better that segment of my life would have been if that DJ didn't exist.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">- The guy who checks ids for TSA at the Syracuse Airport is named Peter Griffin.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">- Frequent blog readers may remember when my toothpaste and hand-lotion were confiscated in an airport for being 3.4 ounces, after they set a limit of 3 ounces. I was really pissed off, because I like to brush my teeth, I don't like having dry hands, and the lotion was Kiehl's and I got it for free. Sometime in the past week, TSA decided that 3.4 ounces is an acceptable amount of toothpaste and/or lotion to have on your person. That's the new limit. Looks like TSA has been reading my blog. I'm 1% serious about this. A senior speech writer at the White House reads my blog. He probably knows people. Who's to say he didn't call up TSA and say, “Hey, 3.4 is cool.” I'm not saying it did happen. I'm saying it could happen. That's all I'm saying.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.2in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size:100%;">-I ate at a Cracker Barrel in Syracuse. Two weird things there: 1) The wait staff included women named Kyle, Ashley, Ryan, and Jesse. That's probably the first time, outside stadium events, that many women with men's names were all under one roof. It felt great to witness a piece of history, and know that I was the only person to notice it, care about it, write their names down for a future blog, etcetera. Weird item number 2: There were seven old ladies wearing fancy red hats. I was just told today that it's a group called, “The Ladies with Red Hats,” or something like that. They assemble, wearing red hats, and gallivant. It's something they do to feel and look young. Nothing looks or gives more of an old woman feel than a fancy red hat.</span></p><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </div> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ryanconnercomedy at <a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2007/02/red-hats.html" title="permanent link">6:51 PM</a></em> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1125234599359261142"location.href=https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1125234599359261142;>0 comments</a> <span class="item-action"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1125234599359261142" title="Email Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_email.gif" height="13" width="18"/></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1401212062"><a style="border:none;" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=14800626&postID=1125234599359261142" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="http://www.blogger.com:80/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div> <!-- End .post --> <!-- Begin #comments --> <!-- End #comments --> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.blogger.com/static/v1/common/js/1499043574-csitaillib.js"></script> <script>if (typeof(window.attachCsiOnload) != 'undefined' && window.attachCsiOnload != null) { window.attachCsiOnload('ext_blogspot'); }</script> </div></div> <!-- End #main --> <!-- Begin #sidebar --> <div id="sidebar"><div id="sidebar2"> <!-- Begin #profile-container --> <div id="profile-container"><h2 class="sidebar-title">About Me</h2> <dl class="profile-datablock"> <dd class="profile-data"><strong>Name:</strong> Ryan Conner </dd> <dd class="profile-data"><strong>Location:</strong> New York, NY, United States </dd></dl> <p class="profile-textblock">I am a stand-up comedian. My website is www.ryanconnercomedy.com</p> <p class="profile-link"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/12434057934993330563">View my complete profile</a></p></div> <!-- End #profile --> <h2 class="sidebar-title">Links to other comedy blogs...</h2> <ul> <li><a mailto="ryanconner@gmail.com"> Email Ryan </a> <li><a href="http://www.crucialelement.blogspot.com"target="blank">CRUCIAL ELEMENT</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.myspace.com/crucialelement703"target="blank">Crucial Element Myspace</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.qledbetter.blogspot.com/"target="blank">Quincy Ledbetter</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.innerlimits.blogspot.com"target="blank">Aparna Nancherla</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.larrypoon.com/" target="blank">Larry Poon</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.funnydanny.com/"target="blank">Danny Rouhier</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.jonmumma.com/"target="blank">Jon Mumma</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.justinschlegel.com"target="blank">Justin Schlegel</a></li> <li><a href="http://andykline.blogspot.com/"target="blank">Andy Kline</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.comedianerinconroy.blogspot.com/"target="blank">Erin Conroy</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.joerobinsoncomedy.com/head-blog.txt.html"target="blank">Joe Robinson</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.roryscovel.com/" target="blank">Rory Scovel</a></li> <li><a href="http://jaredlive.blogspot.com/"target="blank">Jared Stern</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.dcimprov.com/" target="blank">The DC Improv</a></li> </ul> <h2 class="sidebar-title">Previous Posts</h2> <ul id="recently"> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2010/02/philadelphia-shows-this-week.html">Philadelphia Shows this week</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2010/02/you-can-get-olympic-medal-for-this-shit.html">You Can Get an Olympic Medal for This Shit? Power ...</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2010/01/jersey-shore-wrap-up.html">Jersey Shore Wrap-Up</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2010/01/breaking-news.html">BREAKING NEWS!!!!!</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2010/01/movie-recommendation.html">Movie Recommendation</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2010/01/omg-funny-stuff-on-blog-lol-power.html">OMG, Funny Stuff on the Blog, LOL, Power Rankings,...</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2009/12/updates.html">Updates...</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2009/12/jim-morrison.html">Jim Morrison</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2009/12/you-two-should-link-up.html">You Two Should Link Up</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.ryanconnercomedy.com/2009/12/mtv-has-done-it-again.html">MTV has done it again</a></li> </ul> <h2 class="sidebar-title">Archives</h2> <ul class="archive-list"> <li><a 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